Cycle Day 12

Yesterday's report was E2 level was 693. I have 5 measurable follies. But the nurse failed to tell me the size. I was told to continue meds for Monday and Tuesday and return for bloodwork and ultrasound on Wednesday morning. My initial thought was Thank God I have not ovulated(I had a dream the night before that I had). And then I was happy that my E2 level more than doubled in two days. And I have 3 more measurable follies. Ah, but then.. Then I run to the internet to measure my progress against any information I can find. Why do I do this? It just makes me crazy. I have no reason to believe anything is "wrong". However I have diagnosed myself as a slow responder and I am now convinced I must have old eggs. Oh brother. Tell me it is the hormones. I know it is just me being me. I think the worst part of this process has been the not knowing. Not knowing what your next steps will be, will my medication be increased? decreased? when will I trigger? When will my retrieval and transfer be? I need to learn to give up control. This process has made me unable to focus on anything else. Work.. what is that? I did tell my boss what I am going thru. Oddly enough I had an employee give notice at work so she and her husband can focus on conceiving. I completely understood. And happily my boss did to. He and his wife went thru IVF and had a baby just about this time last year. Other than my boss and one co-worker I have only confided in one friend. We had agreed not to tell anyone. We wanted to avoid people asking how things were going all the time. I told this one friend that I actually do not talked to that often because it turns out she is starting down the path of exploring why she and her husband have not been successful in their attempts to get pregnant. So I wonder why are there so many people having trouble having children. Is it the age-factor? We are all waiting to have children. Is it the work thing? It really is that we are all stressed at work and it is affecting our fertility.

On the symptom side of things I am happy to report I feel fine. I have had those few earlier lupron headaches and a few night sweats. Those have stopped. Other than a few "rumblings" in my lower ab region I feel no different. I hope that is okay. I better go check the internet.

On to cycle day 13.