It happened

Tonight. It happened tonight. My future blank. My heart in pieces. You see tonight I approached David with what I view ( what most would view) as a betrayal. A betrayal of our vows, a betrayal of trust, a betrayal of me. But also a betrayal of himself. For the past several years this person I love has been fading away. Replaced by an angry, frustrated and defeated man. This is not the person I married. This is not the person I fell in love with eleven years ago. I can still see that person. I see glimpses every now and then. I see the fear and pain weaved so tightly in with anger. But I do not know how to help. I would move mountains for him. But he keeps pushing back. So, Divorce. That is the word spoken tonight. I could have stopped it but that would have meant me betraying myself. Me giving up what I want. Giving up my self respect. Things have been on this downward spiral for the last few years. We have had more than our fair share to deal with. I always thought at least we had each other. But I was wrong. We didn't. We don't. Now what?

I feel numb.